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Nov. 8th, 2004

You know, despite the existence of Jon Stewart, Princess Diaries books, Rilo Kiley albums and other nice things, there are still many, many things that annoy me. I'm not just talking about the things that send me into a red mist of rage (George W. Bush, Richard Littlejohn, priests who write letters into the I**** T***** about how women should be the moral guardians of the nation, the fuckers who slaughtered lots of seals on the west coast last week). I'm talking about the minor irritations. Well, you know, if by minor I mean "doesn't quite make me want to commit homicide."

1. Ads for mobile ring tones. Actually, these really might deserve to go in the red-mist-of-rage category. I hate them with a firey passion. I particularly hate the one airing non-stop at the moment which features that dreadful, dreadful "Call on Meeeeeeee" single, and also features that song's bad-porn-tastic video. But most of all, I hate the fact that the voiceover tells us that these things cost "six yo yos". Apparently, yo yos are what annoying teenagers call "euros". I think this may be the most irritating slang expression ever.

In fact, I loathe ads for virtually all mobile phone services that are unrelated to actually making straightforward calls. I used to really hate the "get a joke a day in your mobile" ads, but now I find them too tragic for words. Patrick, who finds the fact that I am driven to tears by anything faintly pathetic highly entertaining, gleefully claims that the only people who use that service are the socially inept who hope that knowing a few jokes will help them to make friends. Even typing that makes tears well up in my eyes (seriously), so now every time those ads come on I change the channel. True!

2. Faux-skangers. It's the only way to describe them. And by them, I mean the poncy little southside posh kids in this area who affect working class accents and pretend that they're really tough and intimidating. I'm not saying I'm some sort of working class heroine, but, unlike most of these fools, I've actually met - and am indeed related to - people whose parents earn less than 60 grand a year. So I am decidedly un-intimidated by a bunch of privately-educated morons from Foxrock pretending that their mummies and daddies aren't paying thousands for them to go to grinds in Leeson Street so they can scrape into university. I once sniggered aloud at a bunch of them who turned up at the bus stop, yammering away in their fake accents, because when one of them was in mid-brag about some cool, tough thing he'd done he said, "and then my MUM came along and tore fuckin' shreds off me..." Your mum? Your MUM? The people you're emulating do not call their mothers "mum", posh boy, as you would know if you'd ever actually talked to one of them. I want to force all of those little pricks to live in Darndale for a year and see how they get on. I suspect it would be badly.

3. Cat fluff. You all know I love Ju Ju. But only those of you who have met her in person know quite how fluffy she is. And how much she loves to shed much of that fluff all over the house. I'm going to have to fork out for one of those special pet-hair hoovers, because the normal one isn't up to the mighty challenge of beating the Ju Ju fluff. It forms fluff-balls in corners. It gets on the couch and cushions, even though she is never allowed to sit on either. We only have carpet on the stairs and landing, which is of course where Ju Ju loves to sleep, and just two days after you hoover it there's always already enough fluff on the carpet to make a mini-Ju Ju. I wish we could just, I dunno, shave her. Not that I would! (OR WOULD I?)

4. The people who've been giving out about Ladyfest without actually doing any work for it. And that's all I'll say about them...for now.

That's all for now. In fact, when I think of it, there are more things that send me into a white-hot rage than merely really irritate me. It can't be good for my heart.


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 8th, 2004 04:12 am (UTC)
I was going to mock you for your weedy reaction to the joke-a-day ads, but then discovered you actually regard forbidding a cat to go on the couch as a feasible thing to do. Clearly you're a stronger woman than I am, and therefore I withdraw the accusation that you're weedy, in case you beat me up.
Nov. 8th, 2004 05:31 am (UTC)
Yes, I am indeed tough, so watch it, you.

Although actually I'm not, I just speak to Ju Ju in the manner of Joyce Grenfell. And it works! And if it doesn't, I just forcibly push her vast bulk off the couch.
Nov. 8th, 2004 04:21 am (UTC)
I have been known to sniffle at the ads that go "ashamed of your mobile", with the little phone in the paper bag, and then the mean people push him off the table. So I feel much sympathy for the welling up about the joke-of-the-day people, and I'm only glad that I've never seen an ad as it would lead to weeping.

Oh, and I'm going to start calling Euros "yo-yos". It's clearly the way forward.
Nov. 8th, 2004 05:30 am (UTC)
Thank God, someone else is as sappy as me! Seriously, just thinking about the sort of lonely person who'd try to impress people with those crappy jokes really does make me cry.
Nov. 8th, 2004 07:58 am (UTC)
Oh! The little phone in the gutter! I remember that ad came on in the middle of a really traumatic episode of ER once and despite staying dry-eyed through some really grim child death plot I teared up over the little phone.
Nov. 8th, 2004 04:25 am (UTC)
"Yo-yos"? Oh dear lord.
Nov. 8th, 2004 04:29 am (UTC)
yo yos?!? Argh! That's just... ugh.

I can tune out the mobile ring tone ads, but I can't tune out that fucking "Call on Me" - I have to change channel anytime it comes near me on radio or TV.

Do you care to share the secret of successfully banishing a cat from a sofa? Ours don't pay the blindest attention, and just do it anyway.
Nov. 8th, 2004 02:32 pm (UTC)
Do you care to share the secret of successfully banishing a cat from a sofa? Ours don't pay the blindest attention, and just do it anyway.

Same with mine. I'd love to actually be able to sit down without getting a lap full of cat fur.
Nov. 8th, 2004 06:12 am (UTC)
Eh? I thought all that "moral guardian" crap was supposed to be the clergy's job. I don't see any priests showing up to help me with my laundry or offering to take the phones for me at work. Lazy stinkers.

We too have rich snots who play at being all working class and stuff, but being the big idiots we are, we make politicians out of them. ;-)

Nov. 8th, 2004 07:00 am (UTC)
Heh heh heh. God, I hope these little brats aren't the Bushes of tomorrow. Although I wouldn't be entirely surprised....

Eh? I thought all that "moral guardian" crap was supposed to be the clergy's job. I don't see any priests showing up to help me with my laundry or offering to take the phones for me at work. Lazy stinkers.

Hee! Every so often, a priest writes in to the Times' letter page saying how young women are all so debauched and really we all look to women for our moral standards because we are all pure spotless madonnas (those that aren't whores, of course). It's incredibly irritating.
Nov. 8th, 2004 06:31 am (UTC)
Ha! Yo-yos! I love it. And if I'm not mistaken, I saw glitzfrau use the term in her entry the other day. Perhaps you should take her aside and speak to her firmly.

My Boy also sends himself into a wild frenzy when any cell (sorry, MOBILE) ads come on. He's especially angry just now with the ads that try to make you believe that you MUST ahve a picture phone, because A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, don't you know, and how could you possibly get through life without one? What if you're on the subway and like, this really gross person comes and sits next to you and you like, don't have a camera phone to snap a surreptious shot and send it to all your friends???

OMG what would I do???

Nov. 8th, 2004 08:53 am (UTC)
She did! I saw that too! Shall we all hope that she was being ironic?
Nov. 8th, 2004 09:00 am (UTC)
Oh dear, it is rather annoying really, isn't it? I think it may originally have been one of those stupid "youth" words that poxy radio DJs like Dusty Rhodes make up to make themselves sound down with da kids, and which tragic wannabe teenagers (like me) then pick up on. Do da kids really use it now?
Nov. 8th, 2004 09:19 am (UTC)
Re: yo-yo
Ha ha! I love that you're a lusty, tragic, perpetual youth-seeking teenager wannabe. As am I, Helski...as am I.

Though I must say, I'd encourage the use of "yo-yos" in a far more ironic sense, at least for a little while.
Nov. 8th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
Re: yo-yo
I had never heard of it until those ads, and P's brother David told me that apparently young annoying people use it. Luckily, no one has ever used it in my presence....
Nov. 8th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC)
"yo-yos"? wow. that just made me glad to live in the us. :P
Nov. 8th, 2004 08:05 am (UTC)
*imagines self as moral guardian of nation*


As for stupid mobile ads, just be glad you don't have that tool from Verizon being all, "Can you hear me now? Good!" ad nauseam. He makes me want to damage a perfectly good TV just to shut him up.

Also, I know the kind of rich-kids-pretending-to-be-poor you mean. Here in the US, we call them "Trustafarians." ^_^
Nov. 8th, 2004 12:15 pm (UTC)
Maybe the people who buy those joke-a-day services are wee kids whose parents pay the bill, seeing what expensive stuff they can subscribe to to wind up their folks and so they can snigger over the jokes in school and get the mobile confiscated.
It makes me feel better to think so anyway.

Um. What do tough kids in Dublin (it's Dublin, right?) call their mum then? In Glasgow it's "maw" or "mammy".
(Just so I can pass for a proper tough kid the next time I'm there. Although I couldn't do that talking with the cigarette still in the mouth thing so I'd probably show myself up. But I do have an accent that makes me sound like a ned who reads the Times.)
Nov. 8th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC)
They call their mothers "mam" or "ma".
Nov. 9th, 2004 03:15 am (UTC)
Or "the aul wan".
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )


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