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I love the Onion, part 10000,000000

Nation's Poor Win Election for Nation's Rich

The Republican party—the party of industrial mega-capitalists, corporate financiers, power brokers, and the moneyed elite—would like to thank the undereducated rural poor, the struggling blue-collar workers in Middle America, and the God-fearing underpriviledged minorities who voted George W. Bush back into office," Karl Rove, senior advisor to Bush, told reporters at a press conference Monday. "You have selflessly sacrificed your well-being and voted against your own economic interest. For this, we humbly thank you."

Added Rove: "You have acted beyond the call of duty—or, for that matter, good sense."


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 11th, 2004 03:15 am (UTC)
The Onion, I Love It Too
Liberals Return to Sodomy, Welfare Fraud
BERKELEY, CA—No longer occupied by the 2004 election, liberals across the country have returned to the activities they enjoy most: anal sex and cheating the welfare system. "I've been so busy canvassing for the Democratic Party, I haven't had a single moment for suckling at the government's teat or no-holds-barred ass ramming," said Jason Carvelli, an unemployed pro-hemp activist. "Now, my friends and I can finally get back to warming our hands over burning American flags and turning kids gay." Carvelli added that his "number-one priority" is undermining the efforts of freedom-loving patriots everywhere.
Nov. 11th, 2004 03:19 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
Heh heh heh. I liked that one.
Nov. 11th, 2004 04:23 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
But why do American headlines have a thing against "and"? It's bizarre!
Nov. 11th, 2004 06:20 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
Ha ha! It is bizarre! I've never noticed it... It's part of what makes The Onion so funny, actually. They have this uncanny ability to write perfect headlines.
Nov. 11th, 2004 06:27 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
British headlines don't do the capitalising-every-word thing, either. Do Canandian ones follow the American style or the British?
Nov. 11th, 2004 07:58 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
It's not just headlines, alas. It's scholarly articles and books too! They look like Onion articles as well, and I can't take them seriously either!

(Or maybe that's just my impatience with Yale-school deconstruction...)
Nov. 11th, 2004 06:31 am (UTC)
Re: The Onion, I Love It Too
I know! I'm always finding genuine US headlines to be Onion-esque, just for that reason. It makes everything much more surreal, somehow.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )


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