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cheese-eating surrender-monkey princess

Oh, man. Not content with, as I reported yesterday, editing shots of Strom Thurmond into footage of civil rights marches (possibly) and telling kids that the Grand Canyon was made by the biblical flood (definitely), American conservatives are turning their attentions to us smelly, god-hatin', social-welfare lovin' Europeans. Hurrah! And look what good advice they have for us....

Indeed, your hostility to the basic concepts of Judaism and Christianity has literally been written into your new European Union constitution, despite the Pope’s heroic efforts to the contrary. 

Because you know, simply not mentioning religion in the constitution is just the same as actually saying "we hate Jesus! And the religion into which he was born!" One could say, of course, that the most basic of all Christian concepts is tolerance, which seems to be in short supply in some American circles right now, but anyway. And yes, it is heroic of the Pope to try and keep up that strong link between church and state. Because as Ireland knows, it's fun when Catholicism has a "special position" in a country. Oh wait, no, it totally isn't.

Except maybe it should be, because us slightly-more-acceptable-than-the-alternative white Europeans are using contraception and just not having enough white babies. And even when we do have kids, we can't even do that right.

And of the children you do manage to produce, all too few will be raised in stable, two-parent households. 

Because America doesn't have a crazy divorce rate that's higher than that of practically all European countries. Or the western world's highest proportion of teen pregnancies. Hey, hang on a minute...

But thanks for that, 'American Thinker'. How nice to see that American culture is defined as being purely the product - indeed, the apex - of western civilisation. Because every American is, of course, white. And hopefully WASP (or at least northern European). There are no Muslims there, and that's a good thing, because according to Mr Meyer, Muslims just go around shooting everyone who pisses them off. Especially Muslims in crazy tolerant Europe. This doesn't really fit in with, say, the Muslim families who lived next door to me until I was 22, even though I'm sure we probably pissed them off a couple of times as kids by throwing balls into their gardens and stuff. Instead of firing bullets into our chests, they used to bring us in couscous and other north African delicacies. I wish I could tell them that they should have been shooting us instead of giving us nice food.

Anyway, I for one am grateful to Mr Meyer for showing me the error of my ways. I just have one question. In his litany of all the great cultural movements of "western civilisation", he never once mentioned the Enlightenment. Why on earth do you think that could be?

Link from Back Seat Drivers.

Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
glitzfrau
Nov. 24th, 2004 02:23 am (UTC)
Oh, for fuck's sake.

Unfortunately, it's not just some of the loonies. It's the whole country getting turned into an asylum...
glitzfrau
Nov. 24th, 2004 04:40 am (UTC)
Oh and: religious zealots shoot men who facilitate women who are using their bodies in a way that does not confirm to the zealots' ideology? But of course that's a phenomenon entirely confirmed to Europe...
biascut
Nov. 24th, 2004 02:45 am (UTC)
Tell me again why the first settlers left Europe for America? Wasn't it something bizarre like, oh, I don't know, a state which oppressed minority religions? Wasn't there some little clause about the state establishing religions in their constitution? Oh, don't mind me, I'm just being picky...
stellanova
Nov. 24th, 2004 03:07 am (UTC)
Pickiness is ungodly!
cangetmad
Nov. 24th, 2004 04:19 am (UTC)
Mary's a sinner! Can we arrest her or roast her or something?

Apart from that: oh, holy fuck. I do get really disturbed when I discover that real people really think like that. It's so stupid, apart from anything else - ahistoric and ignorant and irrational. Yuck.
stellanova
Nov. 24th, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
v

I know, that's what makes me even angrier than the, you know, offensive patronising part. I mean, the author really didn't mention the Enlightenment - perhaps because the Age of Reason doesn't fit in too well with his idea what what "western civilisation" should mean.
jeejeen
Nov. 24th, 2004 08:13 am (UTC)
If it weren't your birthday, missy, you'd be in trouble!
socmot
Nov. 24th, 2004 04:40 am (UTC)
Your economy is stagnant because your government regulators make it just about impossible for your entrepreneurs to succeed – except by fleeing to the United States, where we welcome them and celebrate their success.

Let's see which side of the Atlantic has the currency falling againt the Euro? Which country is writing up billions in debt?

And your armed forces are a joke. With the notable exception of Great Britain, you no longer have the military strength to defend yourselves. Alas, you no longer have the will to defend yourselves.

Extraordinarily blinkered stuff. I think you'll find a fairly sizeable amount of countries in Western Europe could defend themselves if they needed to. Oh, and by the way, at the risk of taking a cheap shot - which country had a mere handful of fighter defence units (mounting to about 3 actively ready aircraft) available to be deployed when a certain group of suicide bombers attacked it by flying hijacked aircraft into large buiildings? Not a European country.

Oh wait...

Herbert E. Meyer served during the Reagan Administration

Would that be the same administration that funded what became the Taliban and Al Quaeda? (Which lead to the previous mentioned hijackers flying planes into large buildings?) Would that the same administration that presided over the unholy Iran-Contra debacle? The unhole mess in Nicaragua?

"American Thinker"? Surely some mistake...
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 05:25 am (UTC)
Ok. I have lived my entire life in America. My inbred white ancestors have been sitting here shagging their cousins since 16-hundred-and-whatthefuck. So I ask, “How Can 59 Million Americans Be So Dumb?” I will ask it repeatedly in the hopes that I will be de-Americanized and shipped Fed Ex to Canada. If they can change the rules for DeLay, they can surely do it for me?

Regarding the holy of holies, the "stable, two-parent households," someone really should take a good look at the Bush family. Bush Sr. had a shit marriage and several affairs, and Bushie Jr. had a shit marriage and problems with alcohol and drugs.

As for considering the Ten Commandments to be "more than just suggestions," has anybody read this?

http://slate.msn.com/id/2087621/

Apparently the "sweaty, hairy-chested, Bible-thumping morons" haven't. It appears they haven't even taken a good look at their own damn commandments lately, which puzzles me, since "thou shalt not think" isn't listed.

Eh, I am going to just stop and post this before I am overcome with disillusionment and delete the whole thing. I am going to pretend to be Canadian from now on until I can have "Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry" tattooed on my backside. :-(

stellanova
Nov. 24th, 2004 07:30 am (UTC)
I will ask it repeatedly in the hopes that I will be de-Americanized and shipped Fed Ex to Canada.

Get shipped here! We all smell and hate religion! According to some people, anyway.
jeejeen
Nov. 24th, 2004 08:12 am (UTC)
No, no, here! We need more people like you here. Besides, Canada needs to remember that they can't just coast on their laurels forever, and having some good ex-Americans around to remind them of the evils they're facilitating is a good idea.

Also, we could hang out.
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)
These are both excellent suggestions. I think I should have dual citizenship!
revely
Nov. 24th, 2004 07:25 am (UTC)
My country is so embarrassing I could weep. Literally - I sit here with tears in my eyes over this kind of thing.

I read something fascinating about the Bush administration essentially advocating a return to premodernism. What's most disturbing to me is the sheer number of people here who don't understand that, or understand why it would be (is) bad.

:lays head on desk:
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 08:48 am (UTC)
The word "modern" frightens them. They believe in an illusory Disneyfied past where Ward and June Cleaver were the norm and everything turned out ok in the end. And the rest want a world where everyone knew their damn place and there was a lot of cheap help, secret vice, and no accountability to anyone less powerful or rich.
pescana
Nov. 24th, 2004 01:02 pm (UTC)
Never mind that the June Cleavers of the past were all on valium and/or alcohol so they could cope with the stultifying existence they were forced to lead, and that abuse was rampant and unchecked. Oh, I forgot. God says to beat your wives and children and force them to submit to the will of the all-powerful white christian male. Doesn't he? isn't that the first commandment?

Whatthefuckever.
zoje_george
Nov. 24th, 2004 09:11 am (UTC)
I've got to get OUT of here.
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 09:21 am (UTC)
Damn straight.
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
Er...my political ranting was interrupted to ask...is that icon from "Now, Voyager"..?
zoje_george
Nov. 24th, 2004 04:01 pm (UTC)
Yes it is!

It's your fault, actually. Your former icon reminded me that I had quite a few Bette Davis pics on my harddrive (from the days when I made avatars and hung out on The Palace) and that I lovelovelove her. So I picked my two favorites for here.
fromaway
Nov. 24th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
Oh ho ho ho.

who inexplicably have won more Nobel prizes than all other countries combined, host 25 or 30 of the world’s finest universities and five or six of the world’s best symphonies, produce wines that win prizes at your own tasting competitions, have built the world’s most vibrant economy, are the world’s only military superpower and, so to speak in our spare time, have landed on the moon and sent our robots to Mars

Blue America is responsible for most of that (minus the war and space stuff, possibly), but he completely forgets the existence of Blue America about halfway through the article (did you notice? It's actually pretty funny).

We are a Judeo-Christian culture, which means we consider those ten things on a tablet to be commandments, not suggestions.

Wow, seriously, who the fuck is this "we"? And I'm a little tired of this attempt to be inclusive without including Muslims and (horrors!) atheists by using the term "Judeo-Christian." Something like three-quarters of American Jews voted for Kerry, but he's already forgotten that Kerry voters exist at this point.

For these are precisely the beliefs that powered Western Europe – you -- from the Middle Ages into the Renaissance, on to the Enlightenment, and forward into the modern world.

Oh, he does mention the Enlightenment. All that deism and the stuff about strangling the last king with the entrails of the last priest...they didn't really mean that.

the number of abortions in Europe is at an all-time high.

But still lower than the rate in the U.S. (in Western Europe, at least, which is what he's really talking about).

Seriously, this is great stuff.
stellanova
Nov. 24th, 2004 10:33 am (UTC)
who inexplicably have won more Nobel prizes than all other countries combined, host 25 or 30 of the world’s finest universities and five or six of the world’s best symphonies, produce wines that win prizes at your own tasting competitions, have built the world’s most vibrant economy


Ah, yes, the vibrant economy which makes it the country with more children living below the poverty line than anywhere else in the western world. God, how do these people manage to live with their heads so far up their own arses? And, by symphonies, I presume he means "symphony orchestras", because the alternative doesn't make sense.

And, d'oh! I thought the first time I read it that he mentioned the Enlightenment, which I thought was somewhat ironic, and when I went back to cut and paste some quotations I couldn't see any references to it. Perhaps I was partially blinded by rage...
socmot
Nov. 24th, 2004 11:03 am (UTC)
I would guess he does mean symphony orchestras, but even if you wanted to go along with the idea of "six of the worlds best symphonies", well, I doubt it. America has had and has today some fine composers, but they tend to fade in comparison to European composers of the past.
ladyxoc
Nov. 24th, 2004 03:46 pm (UTC)
(And lucky for you we Americans aren’t like so many of the Muslims on your own continent; as the late Dutch film maker Theo van Gogh just discovered, make one nasty crack about them and you’re likely to get six bullets pumped into your head and a knife plunged into your chest.)

No, our government just invades entire fucking countries on trumped-up charges, blows up civilians (when we aren't abusing or murdering them for the amusement of our badly trained, ill-equipped troops), steals their oil and calls it "Operation Iraqi Freedom" or some shit like that.

Ahem.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )

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