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Jan. 26th, 2005

A great number of children who witnessed the tragedy are still plagued by nightmares of sun-shapes that recall Jackson's nipple ring. Of the infants who saw the breast, 76 percent are unwilling to breast feed or use a bottle, forcing their parents to nourish them intravenously.

Ah, The Onion, what would we do without you? I also particularly liked the "Terrifying Sea Monster Turns Out To Be Even More Terrifying Amphibious Monster" headline on the homepage...

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