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ding dong the bells are gonna chime

So the other night in the Stag's, a friend said something about wanting her boyfriend to propose before she was 35 and started joshing me and P about when P was going to make an honest woman of me, etc. She certainly didn't mean to be obnoxious, but I found it slightly irritating. And no, not because it touched some secret, instant-marriage-craving nerve. Because it seemed to be based on a bizarre expectation of what women want. And what we want is for our boyfriends to ask us to marry them, the sooner the better.

Lest anyone misunderstand my feelings here, I must say that I am, very definitely, not against marriage - as anyone who has heard me squee with delight at the announcement of my friends' engagements will know. I'm against the idea of traditional marriage, yes, and I'm against what marriage has meant for women throughout history. But I don't see any connection between a woman being essentially sold to her father's friends as part of a land deal (as was commonplace in Ireland all too recently) and the happy marriages of my friends who have made their own, new sort of marriage. A sort of marriage which is about loving commitment to each other rather than the female half being the Angel in the House who's given up all autonomy to her husband.

However, what I am bewildered by is the assumption that, as a 29 year old woman in a stable, happy relationship, I am automatically dying to be married as soon as possible, and that I think my boyfriend is somehow to blame for not asking me yet. The whole thing seems such a bizarre, Cosmo way to carry on - and view gender roles - that I am amazed that someone in my social circle could even bring it up. Has anyone else actually encountered this sort of thing outside crappy magazines? And should I expect more people to start asking me when P and I are going to "give us all a day out"? Don't worry, I don't suddenly feel under pressure to oblige, but I am still somewhat aghast at the whole thing. Not least because I don't particularly like getting oddly defensive about my currently unmarried status during a nice night out in the pub.


Mar. 7th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)

Actually, marrying for visa reasons is ever so much less embarrassing than marrying for getting-religious-parents-off-back reasons. I promise not to mock you. that much.
Mar. 7th, 2005 04:02 pm (UTC)
You can't mock me! I am un-mockable!

I'd have to leave the poor bastard to fend for hisowndamnself if we don't have a marriage certificate. Dammit.
Mar. 7th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC)
I swear I'll do my wifely job - just sit at home become a slob!
I know, I know. you're just doing your wifely job. Hehehehe.

Anyway, what's the status on these plans of yours, anyway? Tell tell tell.
Mar. 7th, 2005 05:02 pm (UTC)
Re: I swear I'll do my wifely job - just sit at home become a slob!
Not telling yet.
Mar. 7th, 2005 05:07 pm (UTC)
Re: I swear I'll do my wifely job - just sit at home become a slob!
Mar. 7th, 2005 05:24 pm (UTC)
Are you trying to get me to jinx it?!
Well. ARE you?
Mar. 7th, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Are you trying to get me to jinx it?!
No, NO NO, nevar!!!!

Okay, I'll stop harassing.



fat pony like thunder
The Monkey Princess

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