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cherub!

When Patsington was a small child, some well-meaning, theologically confused adult told him that when adults die, they become saints (tell that to the Vatican, well-meaning-theologically-confused-adult - even they aren't so fond of random canonisation. Also, I can think of plenty of recently deceased people who deserve to be honoured with sainthood, but the Vatican are unlikely to agree with me), and when children die, they become cherubs. The adult intended that this news should be comforting to the infant Patsington, but the results were quite the reverse. Because when baby Patsington thought of cherubs, he saw the cherubs of many "holy pictures", ie a rosy-cheeked head with wings coming out of it and no body at all. Understandably enough, the thought of turning into a flying head terrified the infant P, and so he actually prayed that he wouldn't die until he was grown up, purely because he couldn't bear the idea of being a cherub. He still finds those sorts of cherubs rather terrifying.

But what does the modern creative mind do with childhood fears? Exploit them for money, of course! So now, we have decided to write a horror film called, simply, CHERUB, about a cherub head that flies around biting people. The possibilities are endless! The sequel will of course be CHERUBIM, and then there can be CHERUB 3: The Cherubing. Patsington dreams of reaching the stage where there can be CHERUB VS. PREDATOR or something of that kind, but I'm not sure the public are ready for such an explosion of terror. What do you think?

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
yiskah
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:59 am (UTC)
Hee! Poor Patsington and his infant trauma. Also, you really need a cherub icon.
stellanova
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:15 am (UTC)
I dunno, I think it would be too scary. Patsington's cherubphobia is infectious!
slemslempike
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:00 am (UTC)
Surely it should be Cherubim V Seraphim?

Suggested tag line "ah, there's che rub."
stellanova
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:09 am (UTC)
Ha! And you're right, of course. Although maybe there should be Cherub Vs Seraph first...
jane_the_23rd
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:01 am (UTC)
Given the current trends in cinema, it would seem fitting to release CHERUB VS. PREDATOR first, then release all of the prequels. Even though 'prequel' isn't actually a word. Or shouldn't be.

You have to make the public ready for these things, you know.

Brilliant idea.

That inspires me to write a horror film about a little kid who swallows an apple seed....
leedy
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:07 am (UTC)
And its sequel, where the child swallows chewing gum? Or perhaps discovers the terrible consequences of stepping on a crack in the pavement?
jane_the_23rd
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
Oh, a true Trilogy of Toddler Terror! I shiver already!
jeejeen
Jun. 21st, 2005 02:02 pm (UTC)
HA HA HA HA HA!

You're brilliant.
cleanskies
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:02 am (UTC)
well, I'm terrified.
stellanova
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:12 am (UTC)
And so you should be. I actually drew a quick sketch of the poster, which features the Cherub zooming about, teeth bared.....a horrific sight.
jane_the_23rd
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:24 am (UTC)
Ooooh, do share!
cangetmad
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:09 am (UTC)
So very seconded.

Does Patsington know that his childhood is being laid bare for the amusement of your imaginary friends, by the way?
stellanova
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:29 am (UTC)
Well, he's very proud of CHERUB, so I don't think he'd mind! And he knows about the fat baby photo, which was ultra-filtered....
daegaer
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:06 am (UTC)
Hee hee!

I want to attend the premiere!
stellanova
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:13 am (UTC)
You can be the theological consultant!
nwhyte
Jun. 21st, 2005 10:08 am (UTC)
On the theological point, I think Patsington's informant was almost right - the Church traditional teaching was that everyone who's in heaven is a saint, it's just that you can only know for sure that a specific person is in heaven through the canonisation process.

I think.
pinguin
Jun. 21st, 2005 11:02 am (UTC)
Like Royal Mail guaranteed next day delivery, but for souls. How cool.
septembergrrl
Jun. 21st, 2005 01:03 pm (UTC)
The idea of a flying head that eats people is terrifying. And because they're angelic children's heads, you'd have a little bit of a "Child's Play" thing going on.

Sounds like a winner.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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