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manly is as manly does

Attention, fellow feminist conspirators!

As you all know, our mission is to emasculate every single man on the face of the planet (saving Kevin Myers and John Waters for last, as their sheer masculinity is too intimidating even to us ball-busters and we'll really have to work up to it). And I'm pleased to report another victory in our unrelenting campaign. Yes, I have successfuly conquered my boyfriend's maleness! Now, some might say he's not emasculated at all. Some might say that we enjoy an equal partnership in which each supports the other and each makes the other laugh. But no! Because if we've been taught anything recently by such sage thinkers as Buerk and Myers, we know that men showing any interest in anything other than SERIOUS MANLY THINGS is proof that women have taken them over with their touchy-feely girliness. And I think we can safely say that Patsington coming in when I was watching an episode of The House of Eliott and asking first "who's he?" and "who's she?", then "so what happened to the illegitimate half-brother?" and finally, as the credits rolled, "do you want to watch the next one now?" is proof that he has been de-sexed*. At least by the Buerk-Myers standard, and as we all know, that's what really counts, isn't it? Because if they've taught us anything about feminism (and they have!), they've taught us that feminists are all convinced that gender is a fixed construct and that women are automatically better than men. Except when they're convinced that they want to be more like men. And to enjoy something that focuses on the other gender means that you've been brainwashed. Or are trying to brainwash someone else. Wait, I'm confused! Where's Mr Myers and his subtle, penetrating (ooh-er) examination of modern gender when I need him?

ETA: pisica's comment has given me an idea. I know that many of you are in relationships with men. And many of you are friends with men. So what I want to know is, how have you managed to take away their precious manliness? And you'd better have done so, or you're out of the feminist mafia RIGHT NOW.

*As is tolerating me practically writhing about in joy at some of the clothes. I don't know how many times I wailed "oh, I want that hat!" Sadly for Myers et al, however, Patsington did not join in my clothes-lust, perhaps indicating that my brainwashing hasn't been as successful as my feminist cabal might want.

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
pisica
Aug. 24th, 2005 10:53 am (UTC)
My bf works for the civil service. He does computer stuff for a department where most of his co-workers are women. On occasion, he comes home and starts spouting the latest plot threads on some soap opera. His manliness is in jeopardy! Quick, turn on the Rangers-Celtic game!
leedy
Aug. 24th, 2005 10:56 am (UTC)
We will not have triumphed fully until Patsington is WEARING clothes from House of Eliott!
stellanova
Aug. 24th, 2005 10:59 am (UTC)
Bwahahahahaha!

I should add that he did express an admiration for some of the '20s interior decor. Half way there!
ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:43 am (UTC)
Then if he won't wear clothes, perhaps he can be persuaded to wear a lampshade or an especially nice pair of curtains.
ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:44 am (UTC)
That's it. I adore you, you MAD WICKED EMASCULATING CREATURE.
birdsflying
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:39 pm (UTC)
I am sure that Patsington would look ever so fetching in a bonnet.
ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:52 pm (UTC)
Oh, yes! With flowers, do you think? Or little ruffly bits?
socmot
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC)
And a pink bow under his chin?
socmot
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:07 am (UTC)
Is THIS the feminist conspiracy that Kevin Myers is so excited about?
In order for me to report to him, I must arrange to meet him at once! AT ONCE!!

(It's as well that I haven't shaved in a couple of days. Now I know that I will look manly enough when I report to him!)
daegaer
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:26 am (UTC)
Attention, future honorary sister!

From now on you must not shave, but must wax or use Immac Veet to fit in with the laydeez!
socmot
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:33 am (UTC)
You know I'd do anything I'm told in anticipation of my admission to the honorary sisterhood! ANYTHING!!!
daegaer
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:31 am (UTC)
Many of male male friends are effete dwellers in the Ivory Tower - my work is more than half done for me! The RPG guys are harder to crack, but I've noticed that under my stern emasculating guidance they now prefer soft-centre chocolates, have given up eating entire 16" pizzas each, are eating healthy natural food* and very rarely feel the need to strip half-naked to show wounds to each other. Victory shall be mine!

On the downside, my brother is absolutely insisting on wearing trousers rather than a kilt to his wedding. And I'd planned such a lacy, frilly sort of kilt for him to wear!

*Where "healthy" means "heavily sugared preserved fruit".
leedy
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:37 am (UTC)
My own beloved recently purchased a lady cardigan for me in a lady clothes shop WITHOUT HIS WILLY FALLING OFF IN SHAME, and has been known to rob my Lush facial scrub to cleanse himself in an effete fashion instead of BEATING THE DIRT OFF HIMSELF WITH ROCKS.
ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 11:44 am (UTC)
HIS WILLY IS HANGING ON BY A MERE THREAD! OH, THE HORROR.
zoje_george
Aug. 24th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
Some OTHER MAN should get in there with a SEWING KIT and a Pabst, quickly!
pisica
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:32 pm (UTC)
But why beat the dirt off? Dirt is manly! It means you've been grunting around a campfire with other sweaty, smelly men, beating your chest!

When *my* bf ran out of shampoo he started using my cherry shower gel! I had to intercede, though, because cheap shower gel aimed at 6-year-olds is not really brilliant for your hair, so I gave him the stuff I don't use anymore. He is not allowed to use my Lush products though I'm not sure he would want to anyway.
(Deleted comment)
zoje_george
Aug. 24th, 2005 04:47 pm (UTC)
Do you get uber-manly and flip people off and swear while you're at the hockey games? Or while debating politics for that matter.
cigogne
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:46 pm (UTC)
My one is all confused by this. He's still fuming at having been told, shortly after he came to the UK, that real men don't eat chocolate.

ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 12:51 pm (UTC)
We just tell them that shit so all the chocolate is belong to us.
cigogne
Aug. 24th, 2005 01:36 pm (UTC)
Nah see this was another bloke!

The matriarchy is damn devious... brainwashing these boys into policing EACH OTHER'S BEHAVIOUR so that we don't even need to tell them to leave the chocolate alone!

I think someone should be told.
ladyxoc
Aug. 24th, 2005 01:38 pm (UTC)
I think we should have chocolate!!
cleanskies
Aug. 24th, 2005 01:14 pm (UTC)
feminist mafia update
I'm please to report that my dear housemate and co-mortgagee damiancugley recently asked me if the new Alison Bechdel collection was out yet (it's not), engaged in a long discussion about the pros and cons of translucency in clothing, read a Mary Renault hospital romance and bought a flowery shirt from Monsoon. Although, technically speaking, it was in the Men's section, it was all a bit metrosexual if you know what I mean.

He's also "dissatisified" with how well he's mown the lawn, but possibly that's a masculine thing (I certainly find it incomprehensible).
enoneoftheabove
Aug. 24th, 2005 04:09 pm (UTC)
I'm on a crusade to get a number of male acquaintances manicured. Then we'll move on to pedicures. Then eyebrow shaping! Bwahahahaha!
zoje_george
Aug. 24th, 2005 04:46 pm (UTC)
My beloved cooks, cleans, and makes cocktails for me. He cooks for my GIRL FRIENDS when they come to the HOUSE.

I, on the other hand, am a lazy bastard, and would let the whole house slide into clutter, cathair, and health department code violations if left to my own devices.

Clearly, I am the more manly of the two of us.

I am really more incensed that this nutcase John Waters is making a bad name for the superb REAL John Waters, who is also a GENIUS.
theodicy
Aug. 24th, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
Heh, heh. I have thoroughly emasculated domesticated my Beloved. He empties the garbage by himself! He empties the dishwasher! And if I make dinner, he does all the dishes and cleans up without being asked!

Mwah ha ha! My evil plans will soon come to fruition!
dorianegray
Aug. 24th, 2005 09:11 pm (UTC)
It is probable that someone had got at my man's manliness before I ever got to him, given one of the things that first endeared him to me was his liking for the Chalet School books - and he owned - and used - his own iron!
roseability_
Aug. 24th, 2005 10:47 pm (UTC)
Oh the gender treachery involved in my last relationship! Not only was my ex-boyfriend a sensitive Morrissey fan who enjoyed shopping, he was also a vegetarian and seriously considered becoming a florist!
Thankfully I managed to atone for him in manliness by being assertive, constantly swearing and wearing trousers, in the manner of the manly men I watched in the street and attempted to mimic.
fishstickmarie
Aug. 25th, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
I've gotten my husband hooked on the Vicar of Dibley and tea tree oil face blotting tissues from the Body Shop.

He also likes baking cookies and he enjoys clothes shopping far more than I do.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )

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