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Words fail me.

Oh, wait, they totally don't. GOOD SWEET JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE? Liffey Rivers? LIFFEY RIVERS? It's hilariously bad, all right, but really, just the thought that someone (even fictional people) could name their child after a river that smells like fish-scented poo makes me want to burst into tears. And look at her. LOOK AT HER! The real mystery in this "girl detective" novel is the origin of Liffey Rivers. I think she was created in a terrifying laboratory by evil scientists intent on taking over the world with an army of freakish plastic-haired mutants. And as for the story...
Now the legions of Irish dancers have their very own heroine:

Liffey Rivers
Irish Dancer - Girl Detective

who manges to foil a sophisticated criminal plot, dance her soft shoe jig and even prevent a possible war-- all during ONE day at the Celtic Arch Feis in St. Louis where Liffey is determined to win her first gold medal and earn her first solo dress...

My mother was always adamantly against Irish dancing because, as she said, "you win a medal every time you learn a new step". So like the good little artsy middle class brats we were, we went to ballet lessons from the age of four, and later some of us went to tap classes, including me because I was a repellent show off whose dream was to star in musicals (which I never did, alas, although I did dance on the Olympia and Gaiety stages and can still tap dance quite well). I never had the slightest desire to learn Irish dancing, because apart from set dancing (which rocks, and which can be witnessed in a Jane Austen adaptation near you as many of the dances are the same, although ours are a bit livelier), I thought it looked crap and the ringlets were hideous and yes, you apparently got a medal for learning to tie the laces of your dancing shoes. I wanted to be a ballerina or a musical theatre sensation. And now I see that my mother and I have been proved right. Because frankly, if Liffey Rivers (even typing the name makes me snigger) is a heroine for Irish dancers, then their standards are pretty low. I mean, us tap dancers had Fred Astaire...

ETA: OH MY GOD THERE IS A LIFFEY RIVERS SHOP SELLING T-SHIRTS. Words really do fail me this time.

By the way, blame barsine for the damage done to your eyes by the sight of Liffey - she sent me the link!

Comments

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daegaer
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
*screams in fear*

Also: Celtic Arch Feis. Ewwww.

Maybe it's time for Gluastain to make her triumphal comeback! (I hope Liffey has a sidekick, BTW - maybe Tolka O'Hoor).


And just today I noticed a sign for new apartments being built on the actual riverbank of the Tolka, in Richmond Road, called "Riverview". The thought of how close a view of the river they could get in winter made me very happy, in an evil sort of way.
stellanova
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
Heh heh heh. I am evil too.

And I suggested to barsine just this afternoon that she change her first name to Tolka in imitation of our new heroine! But Tolka O'Hoor is even better...
(no subject) - leedy - Feb. 16th, 2006 10:15 am (UTC) - Expand
glitzfrau
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
ANNA WHY IS MY HAIR NOT LIKE THAT?
stellanova
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
Because you did not spend your childhood going to feiseanna! IT'S ALL YOUR OWN FAULT!

BTW, just got your message because stupid phone died and I didn't notice until now. Am obviously not at gig, but would love to meet tomorrow - jane_the_23rd suggested meeting out in Dun L so what say you to a seaside adventure in the afternoon?
(no subject) - glitzfrau - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - leedy - Feb. 16th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC) - Expand
slemslempike
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
That child has caterpillars for hair! Argh! Will no-one think of the caterpillars?

I wish that book were in my library. I quite desperately want to have that t shirt, but I think it would be a bit sad of me to buy it without having read of the book. Unliterary, if you will.
biascut
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC)
About the Author
Brenna Briggs writes from the wild Northwest coast of Ireland where she lives with her family and bog dog, Cooga. After years of observing Irish dancers in their native feis habitats, the Liffey Rivers Brockagh Book Mysteries were written. When she is not working on the next Liffey Rivers adventure (The Mystery of the Winking Judge), Ms. Briggs explores the ancient castle ruins and fairy ringforts which surround her home.


But WHY is the Winking Judge winking at Liffey? Alarm bells ring!
stellanova
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:24 pm (UTC)
Hee!

I refuse to believe she lives in Ireland! Or if she does, she's hamming it up in an offensive manner. What the hell is a bog dog? The mind reels! And as most "ancient castle ruins" are in farmer's fields, I hope she gets arrested for trespassing, as the taste police are unlikely to get her for crimes against Irish stereotypes...
(no subject) - biascut - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - enoneoftheabove - Feb. 16th, 2006 08:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
stellanova
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
But the covers must have been better, at least! All my Sadler's Wells books have rather stylish '80s oil pastels....
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - clanwilliam - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - barsine - Feb. 16th, 2006 01:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
dorianegray
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:23 pm (UTC)
The mind boggles. ::boggleboggleboggle:: Jeez, it's bad enough when outlanders do things like this, but you'd think natives would have more sense of national dignity.

(And, I am extraordinarily envious of you having got to go to ballet classes, because I always wanted to learn ballet (exposure to ballet stories at an impressionable age) but never got to.)
microgirl
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:31 pm (UTC)
There's adult beginner's ballet classes in the International Dance Academy (or whatever) on Ormonde Quay.
(no subject) - dorianegray - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - microgirl - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - clanwilliam - Feb. 15th, 2006 11:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - microgirl - Feb. 16th, 2006 07:47 am (UTC) - Expand
clanwilliam
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:31 pm (UTC)
*cough*

Bedad, and I won a couple of Feis's myself. For verse-speaking, *in English*, I'd like to add.

And I too did ballet as a kid. At least I may have got the ultimate revenge on my old bat of a ballet teacher who hated my guts and blocked my (admittedly non-existent) talent - I am almost certainly the only one of her pupils to have danced on the stage of the Maryinsky Theatre.

But bloody hell. This woman must be a Yank. Or pissing herself as she laughs all the way to the bank. Hah. Just thought of someone who will go incandescant at this - must send her a link.

clanwilliam
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
Incidentally, if you look at the author's page about herself, I suspect there's a certain amount of pisstake going on. But the book appears to be real.
stellanova
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:39 pm (UTC)
I thought that myself, because the page was quite funny! But the book has definitely been written...
(no subject) - clanwilliam - Feb. 15th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
pisica
Feb. 15th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
In addition to earning her first medal and doing her time step or whatever, does Miss Rivers also not-so-subtly raise money for paramilitary groups? Maybe even place a few bags in shopping mall lockers? Expiring minds want to know! (As my dad says, though I'm never quite sure why.)
clanwilliam
Feb. 15th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC)
Have looked at t-shirt site now and giggled hysterically. That's a new catchphrase for us all: "Kick 'em high, Liffey!"
biascut
Feb. 15th, 2006 11:43 pm (UTC)
Every time I scroll past this entry I start to giggle, just because this:

Words fail me.
Oh, wait, they totally don't. GOOD SWEET JESUS, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE?


is so very, very Anna.
theodicy
Feb. 16th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
Sorry, my family must cop to the Eiresatz. My nieces are...wait for it...champeen Irish step-dancers. The both of them. Feis every weekend.

My half-sister tried to get one of her sons to take lessons. He wasn't having any of it.

Yup, yup.
enoneoftheabove
Feb. 16th, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
Eiresatz! I am now in love with this word!
(no subject) - theodicy - Feb. 16th, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
queencallipygos
Feb. 16th, 2006 12:15 am (UTC)
(studies page in baffled silence a moment)

...Why does the ad for the book have a picture of the sky line of St. Louis, Missouri on it?....
seriouspenguin
Feb. 16th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC)
I was wondering that, too. And the hair... why is the girl wearing an old dust mop on her head?
socmot
Feb. 16th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)
Obviously, Liffey Rivers came up the River Liffey in a bubble. Begorrah!

glitzfrau
Feb. 16th, 2006 09:54 pm (UTC)
I wish she were called Liffey Valley, meself.
alices
Feb. 16th, 2006 10:04 am (UTC)
One of the Irish community in Tokyo has a daughter called Anna Livia.
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