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a cat called ju ju

Imagine that you invited a homeless person to live in your house. You waited on her hand and foot, giving her meals, even opening and closing the door for her. You paid all of her medical expenses. Soon she felt at home in your house, comfortably chilling out on the couch. But was she grateful? Or even polite? No! She demanded her food very rudely. Then she started following you around the house shouting for food. She slept at the bottom of your bed, and sulked when you tried to move her. She sat on top of you when you were trying to watch the telly and wouldn't get off. She sat on the kitchen table and the counter, and if you tried to move her she attacked you with sharp blades. And hissed at you.

Well, you wouldn't put up with that sort of nonsense, would you? But that's how Ju Ju acts! She rules this house with an iron paw! We took her off the streets (well, animal refuge) into our sumptuous abode four years ago, and how does she repay us? Sitting on Patsington's open laptop and hissing like a reptile house when you try to get her off, that's how. At least, that's what she was doing yesterday evening. She also keeps sneaking into our room and plonking herself right in the middle of the bed, covering the lovely Cath Kidston duvet with her vile fluff. But we can't get her off, because if we try she (a) starts clawing at the lovely Cath Kidston duvet cover and (b) hisses at us. Seriously, she does whatever she wants around here. It's quite shameful, really. I think crazy cat ladies lavish such attention on their cats because they HAVE NO CHOICE.

That said, when she gets really bold we do pick her up and put her out in the back garden and don't let her in for a while. So maybe she doesn't rule us with an iron paw after all. Also, Patsington sat on her (BY MISTAKE!) the other night. She was lurking on our bed (as usual) and he went up for a nap after work and didn't notice her until he sat on her. I was a bit worried that she could have broken something, as Patsington is about 100 times her size (well, six foot two and about 15 stone), but luckily she is fine. He noticed her furry bulk before he'd quite sat down. Anyway, it serves her right for invading other people's beds in the manner of Goldilocks. I wish I could say that it would teach her a lesson but considering that her current favourite hobby is waiting until I'm having my lunch at one end of the kitchen table and then leaping up on the other end and advancing towards my plate, meaning that I have to stop eating, rush over and pick her up and put her out, I think the chances of her learning that doing X is a bad idea are somewhat slim.



( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 23rd, 2006 10:04 am (UTC)
You are so outrageously rude about that cat! On my visits I have found her cheerful, unassuming, and not even half as fat as you make out. My bloody cat, on the other hand, is actually the antichrist with fur.
Mar. 23rd, 2006 10:28 am (UTC)
Your cat is lovely! I have seen your cat and she was friendly and lovely. As is the other cat in your household.
Mar. 23rd, 2006 10:27 am (UTC)
BY MISTAKE. Ah ha ha. Yes I'm sure it was.

Ju Ju is so legendary. I do want to meet her one day.
Mar. 23rd, 2006 10:45 am (UTC)
I once sat on my friends' cat by mistake - he was the same colour as the sofa and, without my glasses on and before my first cup of coffee, was very easily mistaken for a cushion.

He did not forgive me for a LONG time.
Mar. 23rd, 2006 11:04 am (UTC)
I am looking forward to meeting our feline overlord. :g:
Mar. 23rd, 2006 11:31 am (UTC)
Our cats treat us with similar disdain, demand food constantly (but then turn up their noses at cat food when clearly they were expecting fillet steak or foie gras or something). However, ultimately we have the ace in the hole, which is that we can shut them in the study when they're being annoying. Hah!
Mar. 23rd, 2006 01:39 pm (UTC)
Fergus's new habit is waiting for Eoin to get up from wherever he is sitting (or even just waiting for him to lean forward) and then stealing his seat.

To describe his other boldness, I will have to use your analogy:

Imagine if you will, inviting someone into your home (let's call him 'F'), at first the relationship is somewhat difficult as he steals food, opens the fridge and LEAVE IT OPEN ALL DAY, DEFROSTING IT, smashes jars of pasta sauce on the floor, growls at people when they attempt to retrieve their dinners from him etc. However, years pass and your new flatmate settles in and becomes quite well behaved (as long as we keep the lock on the fridge and all food hidden away, and the bin locked). So you think, 'That worked out well' and invite a tiny homeless BABY into your house. You are impressed that 'F' seems so tolerant, perhaps he plays a LITTLE too violently with the baby's toys, but he seems to like her. Imagine your disappointment when you realise that what he really loves is her high calorie kitten food! I was horrified to see Fergus (for it is him that I speak of!) cuff little Lily out of the way and gorge himself on her dinner THE DAY AFTER HER OPERATION! After all the care and attention lavished on him and Willow!

(But really, he is very lovely and very tolerant of kittens)
Mar. 23rd, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
And to top it all off, cats never make the slightest effort to be useful. Not only do they refuse to learn how to vaccum or dust, they actually shed hair all around the place and watch you while YOU have to clean it up.

Ungrateful wretches!
Mar. 23rd, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
I love stories about Ju ju. She's so insane.
Mar. 23rd, 2006 05:54 pm (UTC)
What is it with these cats? Every time I get up to use the bathroom at night, I return to my bedroom to find my cat on my pillow, and very reluctant to move. Not your spot! My spot! Not your spot!
Mar. 24th, 2006 05:02 am (UTC)
"Dogs have masters.
Cats have staff."
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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