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May. 5th, 2006

Another week, another terrible Dr Who recap! Amd this time I have to share all of my agony with you. Hey, venting is good for you. Especially when the opening line of the recap is:
My friend Karen remarked yesterday on how very large the Doctor is, and how very small Rose is, in terms of time and our understanding of time.

OH GOD.
I resisted, last week, during the whole Gnostic rant, pointing out that the maintenance and restoration of the divine is another word for what some people might, in the realm of the personal, call "therapy." You take a wish or a lie and break it open; you accept the ugly things about it, and that lets the light out, which brings you closer to God. The reason I resisted saying this, of course, is that you're bound to go to a bullshit New Age therapy place when I say it, and I would ask that you hear me out. I've never been in therapy -- which should be bloody obvious by now -- but I have had some wishes come true. It's never a good thing.

I have a wish too, and I believe it would be a very good thing if it came true. My wish is that you, Jacob, would stop writing these fucking terrible recaps of programmes I love, and let someone with a sense of humour and the ability to write recaps that don't cause me to wince so much I sprain muscles I didn't know I had write the recaps instead.
That seems a little high-concept even for old RTD. Well, no, that's exactly what I would have done in college -- let the story interrogate itself from the inside to prove how very clever I was -- so it's possible.

Bwahahahahaha! Hate to break it to you, mate, but you're still doing quite a lot to prove how very clever you (allegedly) are.
Well, I'm talking out of my ass again, and I promised not to do that. (...And this time I swear I won't! Heh.)

Oh, if only I could believe you! Also, making jokes about what a pompous arse you are doesn't mean that you're not actually a pompous arse.
ome horrible monsters, then, too. Like a pissy Doctor wouldn't be trouble enough. (It's hard to be hilarious this week; let me have my fun.)

Dude, when are you hilarious in your other Who recaps? Seriously?
Like a boy, he says this.

If you mean "he says this like a boy", than write that. Because that stylistic tic wasn't impressive in a school essay when you were 15, and it's not impressive now.
He very deliberately takes out Rose's key (the key gets more play, have you noticed, in boy/girl episodes -- things going into people's heads, coming out of people's heads, daughters giving life to their own fathers, and always this key)

Or maybe they just have to, I dunno, OPEN A DOOR?
"My eyes, Jackie's attitude...you sound like her when you shout." Rose swallows. This tiny church, you know? This dusty place.

Wow, yeah, I do know. That's so evocative.
So, so intensely he says this. So sad, and scared, and getting it done. He's very strong, the Doctor. I like him.

Oh my God. This is just so, so awful. I almost never encounter writing so bad it actually makes me want to punch the writer in the face, but this does the trick.

Billie Piper does this thing I really like sometimes, where she wants to tell you, but she's holding back, and her eyes are so open and so clear, and there's a little laugh at one side of her mouth, and she's beautiful, and that's the thing she does now.

!!!! It just gets worse!
You can't cut yourself off from that much of yourself -- him or her either -- and expect to have a working connection to the infinite. Right? You can't hate yourself, if maintenance and restoration of the design are your responsibility: as above, so below. And the TARDIS connects everything, and the key connects you to the TARDIS. These people should know better, what? It's about intimacy.

*collapses into a weeping heap*

Comments

stellanova
May. 5th, 2006 03:10 pm (UTC)
Heh, thanks. And I regret to inform you that he said every single thing I quoted above. I am dreading his take on next week's episode, which was the best of the whole series, and which he will doubtless totally ruin for me forever through his terrible prose.

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stellanova
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