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who's afraid of the big bad wolf?

Did you miss him?
There's nothing weird about me being wrong, though.

You can say that again.

The last few seasons of the U.S. version -- ever since 9/11 -- have involved secret conspiracies and double-agent tricks: twins switching out for each other, secret preexisting relationships, old romantic failures that erupt into violence. Not knowing who your neighbors are. Wolves at the door.

You're talking about Big Brother, for the love of God! Lay off the bad-poetry speak!

And he gets those eyes, above the grin, with all the love in the world: "Dead sweet!" I like the Doctor.

Good for you! Ugh.

He nods at a solid black wall: "Isn't there supposed to be a garden out there?" Not since Adam and Eve. Maybe before. I knew his nightmare was being stuck in a box.

WHAT? What does that even mean? He's mad! MAD!

I told you that I saw "The Christmas Invasion," "The Empty Child," and "The Doctor Dances" on New Year's, and "the beginning of the Big Brother one." And it was at this point, bless them, that LisaDiane and Joey look at each other, in the dark, over my sweet little head, and said in unison, "no." And Joey turned this shit right off. Made the hairs on my neck stand up, because how deep or awful could this possibly go, right? So deep, so awful, and I'm glad they did, as we'll see by the end of this episode.

It's Dr Who, not Primo Levi. Get a hold of yourself, man.

I was just out of college and going through my whole Baader-Meinhof period

*Sighs* I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Are we meant to believe that Jacob formed a socialist terrorist gang and tried to blow up a publishers and got sent to prison and then escaped and held an embassy hostage? Or is he just a pretentious buffoon? I wish the prison part was true, anyway. We probably wouldn't be reading these godawful recaps then.

Strood and Lynda hold their arms to make an archway for her to walk through. That's pretty cool. All we have like that is Tailhook. I imagine when the house is full it's a pretty interesting feeling to walk through that human arch. I bet you feel loved, or something. In the American version, there's a ritual when the eviction nominees are revealed, in which a box is revolved around the dinner table and the first person receives his housekey (like with the TARDIS, it means that you can stay), and then pulls out another key, which they hand to the person with the ritual phrase, "Strood. You are safe." That ritual is my favorite part of the whole show, because I like the words and the repetition of safety and hearth, but also because the person who puts the keys into the box determines the order, so you can point out people's secret alliances by making them tell each other they're safe, or make people sweat it out until the end, and that's like the most beautiful form of art to me.

You know, every time I think he can't reveal himself to be even more of a pompous arse, he starts going on about the beauty of human relationships and keys and ancient rituals and he proves me wrong.

Now, this bit is long, but it's just so appalling that I think it must be quoted in full, although I'm not sure my critical powers are up to disecting it.
I won't go to the broken-camera place again exactly, except: when we line up every week to watch these people die -- when one single episode where nobody dies is reason to dance -- isn't the difference that they're something fictional? And wouldn't Strood's blasé reply tell you that this is the same thing? I don't want to be trite, but I do feel like there's a point to routing every third angle through the surveillance cameras. Number one being that in a surveillance culture, everyone's a star, but also: if Rose died, wouldn't that make you sad? Sadder than if Lynda with a "Y" died, for example? And when people die on the news, how sad is that? You can't feel every death like it's your grandma, but the horror here compared to that is not across a gap; it's just a matter of degree. I'm not taking a moral stand, just saying the exaggeration in this story isn't located precisely where I thought it was, because the truth still stands that if you're not tasting your entertainment with your whole tongue, you're starving and it's your own fault.

Oh God. Look, I've wept over TV programmes - I've been reduced to a snotty, sobbing heap by TV programmes - but yes, the difference between my reaction to Buffy killing Angel and my reaction to, say, my Aunt Peggy dying was a matter of A FUCKING HUGE DEGREE. Just because I don't actually go into mourning at the death of fictional characters doesn't mean that I don't really appreciate art or entertainment. I don't know how Jacob manages to reduce me to the sort of wanker who goes "for fuck's sake, it's not real" at someone's emotional reaction to fiction, but he does. Cheers, Jacob. You knob.

Just like bad stuff's never as bad as you think, the unarmed are never as helpless as you think.

Um, yes, in fiction. You want to go tell that to someone in a concentration camp, Jake? Didn't his "Baader-Meinhof period" teach him anything?

verybody with a TV in the UK pays their license, which is more than you'd think, and that's why British TV is good. I have had it explained to me any number of times, and I still don't get exactly how it works, but that's it: own a TV, turn it on, pay your license.

You don't get how it works? You pay your money and it goes to the BBC! Which isn't the only channel in the UK, Jacob, you moron. Jesus.

Who's the Demiurge to the Controller's Archon? Who's the Fake Bastard God that's got the world convinced it's real this time? Whom of all the evils in the universe and time and space is the Doctor going to have to smack the shit out of this time, and play Milton's Lucifer to?


These Ahriman tales, they always end up with the God stuck inside the prison he created. So I guess the question is: is the Doctor strong and smart and good enough to turn Lucifer on his own ass? Of course he is! He's awesome! Or if you like the Gnostic story better: who's going to be the Sophia that breaks it all back down into divinity?

Oh good, those Ancient Mythology and Comparative Religions classes you took for one term in college paid off. You're not actually impressing anyone, you know.

Even as they're cuffing him, he looks at the dust of Rose, and weeps silently. Security gives a speech, it goes unheard. Half of him is gone.

Wow, that's so poetic. It's about...something beginning with 'i'?

Jack enters the room, and finds the TARDIS standing there. He fits the key into the lock (SEE?) and enters.

Christ, he must have a fit of excitement at the profound symbolism every time he lets himself into his house. SOMETIMES A KEY IS JUST A KEY.

I've got this feeling that the "Long Game" recap might be the best one, in addition to being my favorite episode

Well, it's not like the standard is high. Also, I shudder at the thought of what he'll present us with next week, because I have a feeling that his idea of "best recap" and my idea of "best recap" are very different things.

The reason I was so taken with my Gnostic and Zoroastrian stories in "Long Game" was because I like the subversive take on Lucifer as Redeemer: that if you're trapped in the maze with the Devil, and the Devil wants out, then who is the bad or good guy? And isn't "God" just a fake out for the real God? Ask Milton. But I doubt that's how it'll shake out, like I said. I can't see this show going to the Goddess of Truth vs. the Imperfect Watchmaker route. Still, it's nice to fantasize. Especially given this latest development of the Doctor setting himself up as the False God and seeing how wrong things went for his little insignificant ordinary people, that didn't manage to work it out. Things that go "click" make me feel very smart and I like to feel smart.

You don't say! Wanker. Good thing he also makes sure we all know how smart he is, eh viewers?

If I wrote it, the light of the TARDIS would factor in, but that's just because I've been obsessed since "Father's Day" with the TARDIS as an angel, (aggelos, messenger, minister of grace), as a connection to the true God that is Everything, the infinity of timespace and everything that ever was or will be, in its complex wonder.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. I wish I could be more coherent but this is all just so very, very terrible and precious and hateful.

On the plus side, only one more to go! Hurrah!


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:43 pm (UTC)
Christ, he must have a fit of excitement at the profound symbolism every time he lets himself into his house. SOMETIMES A KEY IS JUST A KEY.

Hee! I read the recap yesterday and almost gave up after ten pages (out of twenty two! good lord he writes a load of shite) but persevered. I'm slightly scared of what he'll come up with for the last episode, but I'm sure it will be mythical and intimate and ... oh who am I kidding, it'll be the worst of the lot.

Also, he does all this research about mythology and religion and can't even muster up the sense to find out how a TV licence works? Fucking eejit.
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
lso, he does all this research about mythology and religion and can't even muster up the sense to find out how a TV licence works? Fucking eejit.

Ha! I know! Seriously, am I missing something about the complexity of the TV licence? We've got roughly the same process as you, and I just pay ours in the post office and forget about it! But maybe Jacob is right and there's some huge complex system that I'm not aware of...
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
Nothing complex about it, unless I'm missing it too. Ours just gets paid by direct debit and we can ignore it, they send us a new one each year and that's about it. Unless, of course, he feels he has to read more into a situation than there is, all the damn time. He'd probably have fits of delight over a TV licence if he got one, much like he must do with a key!
Jun. 15th, 2006 07:00 pm (UTC)
Also, he does all this research about mythology and religion and can't even muster up the sense to find out how a TV licence works? Fucking eejit.

Not only that, but he'll call out throwaway references to old school Doctor Who stuff as if he's the biggest fecking Doctor Who scholar of all time, or even enough of a fan to have seen a bunch of Tom Baker episodes, and then he'll miss or ignore basic stuff like, oh I don't know, that the Daleks have always been afraid of the Doctor (remember how the lone Dalek recognised, and was terrified by, the Doctor this season Jacob? And while we're on the topic, people who've actually seen more than a dozen episodes of Doctor Who would write the Daleks or the Dalek, not "God Emperor of Dalek", which is a construction Jacob's used too many times to be a typo.) Or that the theme music has been a established classic for decades. Or that the show is carefully written for a family audience, which means not everything is in there for pseudo-intellectual college grads. Or that identity is a vastly bigger subtext in the show than intimacy (does Jacob even have an inkling that the Daleks were directly inspired by the Nazis? I'm guessing not, given his inability to understand the 's' in Daleks is used or not in exactly the same way as the 's' in Nazis is or isn't used. Maybe that bit of background information was just too far down the Wikipedia page.) Five minutes scanning for trivia on a Doctor Who website does not make you an expert on Dr. Who continuity, Jacob, so give it up. It's okay to not get the in-jokes, but stop pretending that you know more than you do.
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:44 pm (UTC)
Is he getting... worse?
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC)
I think he actually might be. He's certainly putting in a lot more reference to Gnostic origin myths and stuff, which makes it worse in my book. It's funny, I realised that I kind of loved Russell Brand when I noticed that he was making funny references to, like, Prometheus and Jonathan Swift when appearing on cheesy telly shows, but when Jacob does something similar it just makes me hate him with a firey passion.
Nov. 18th, 2006 02:11 am (UTC)
(laate post, which I know is always spooky, but you were linked in a 'fandom wank' thread about Jacob... here)

I only just started to warm to Russell Brand when I noticed that he genuinely realised how silly he looked and did it anyway. A lot of Channel 4 presenters (especially the E4music gimps) have this dreadful 'automatic irony and anti-intellectual' setting that's almost worse than pretention.

Mind you, I got about two pages into the Girl in t' Fireplace recap before screaming.
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
Why do you torment yourself Anna. WHY?!
Jun. 15th, 2006 04:05 pm (UTC)
I don't know! It's a terrible compulsion.
Jun. 15th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
She does it for US.
Jun. 16th, 2006 07:56 am (UTC)
It's a public service!
Jun. 15th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC)
Good god. You know, this sort of thing is bad enough when it's some idiot on a message board, but the idea that he is getting paid to produce this shit, and even worse that the utter wankery of these recaps is being endorsed by people who, in other circumstances, I find pretty entertaining... urgh.
Jun. 15th, 2006 04:09 pm (UTC)
I know, it makes the whole thing even worse. I wish someone would pay me to take the piss out of him...
Jun. 15th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
Maybe we can take up a collection... his recap for the final episode is up, and I dare not look.
Jun. 15th, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC)
The Baader-Meinhof bit made me laugh so much I had to read it to Helen, and then she cracked up too.
Jun. 16th, 2006 06:05 am (UTC)
Did you miss him?

Like I missed my mama's tumor, baby.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )


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